"Shouldn't Be...But Is"

With luminous blue eyes, Father Theophane, the celebrated monk I came to know at Snowmass Monastery would gaze at one struggling to deal with a loss or hardship and sum up Buddhist wisdom, " Shouldn't be...but is."

In coming to terms with any kick in the gut that might come your way, there comes a moment when you have the choice to acknowledge that even though you didn't see it coming, or don't understand, or don't want it to be true- it is. It is. And in that moment, seemingly giving up the struggle and the argument with the universe, or the turning in prayer to say, If it cannot change, then help me to be with it- something shifts. One such small moment comes back to me today. In all these preparations for the SkateAThon, I am reminded of how much has changed in our lives- since the idea of hosting the first one came.

It was November of 2005, Ted was out of town and I was recently-diagnosed-late-night-surfing the net. Finding the Michael J Fox website, I read about the TeamFox 'athletes' who raised money by running marathons, climbing mountains, bike riding for days, etc... and people who hosted fundraisers were invited to a fancy dinner in New York City! Hey, my son Daniel lives in NYC....and I love NYC...hmmm now they had me hooked. So I considered, ever so briefly, running or climbing....which was ludicrous! (remember the old joke..."Doctor, since your surgery, I can't play the piano!" "Could you before surgery?" Well, no...) Discouraged and wondering what I could do, I went out to sit under the stars in the hot tub to think. And in that moment, it came to me- I might not have bought a ticket to the world of PD, but as long as I'm here now and it is my world... I might as well learn to have fun and meet some people, even 'travel' in this new world. And within a day, a friend suggested using the ice rink. Much has changed since...

In fact, a comment at the first SkateAThon led to my husband Ted taking up the sport of competitive hockey ( at age 55!). Now THAT is a new world! So now, just as when we met, I'm again in bleachers, enjoying watching him play... and realizing that I am not the only one exploring a new territory, with new friends, trying to learn to move in new ways...it happens to all of us. Now I am less sure of what " Shouldn't be" and just trying to take in "All that is."